The Subtle Cost of Playing Small (And Why You’re Still Doing It Without Realizing It)
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Stop Playing Small: The Habits That Are Silently Costing You Opportunities
Fun Fact:
There’s a French phrase I teach my students that perfectly describes what I want to talk about today: “se faire tout petit”.
It means “to make oneself very small.” It’s often used when someone tries to shrink themselves to avoid being seen, judged, or criticized.
It’s poetic. But it’s also painful.
Because far too many of us are doing exactly that in our lives and careers, and calling it humility.
Have you ever felt the pull to do exactly that?
In boardrooms, on LinkedIn, or even in conversations about your own ambitions?
What’s In Store:
3 reasons you’re still shrinking (even if you’re successful)
How to step into your quiet confidence
Action plan: Reclaim your voice and power
Read Time: 5 minutes
The Lies We’ve Been Fed
Let’s talk about the lies that keep brilliant people playing small:
They told you:
Be humble but really meant “don’t be too confident.”
“Don’t stand out” but really meant “don’t challenge the status quo.”
Stay grounded but really meant “stay beneath us.”
Sound familiar?
Here’s what I’ve learned from working with ambitious women leaders and watching high school students transform their relationship with French:
The same pattern shows up everywhere.
The bright student who won’t speak up in French class for fear of making a mistake? That’s the same self-silencing many of us practice in meetings.
The founder who second-guesses her pricing? She’s using the same diminishing language your son or daughter might use when saying “I’ll never be good at languages”
Many of us are shrinking in one area or another.
And it’s costing you opportunities, money, and joy.
What They Really Fear (And Why It’s Not Your Job to Make Them Comfortable)
1/ Your Authentic Presence
Not the version that makes them comfortable.
Not the persona that fits their expectations.
The raw, unfiltered, divinely purposed YOU.
In French, we call this “être à l’aise dans sa peau” – to be comfortable in your own skin. It’s what transforms a hesitant student into someone who speaks confidently in their oral exam.
It’s what transforms a cautious founder into a magnetic leader.
When my students finally stop letting fear of mistakes silence them and start applying proper French pronunciation consistently, that’s when the A grades happen.
When leaders stop trying to fit someone else’s template and start leading in their own way, that’s when the real impact begins.
2/ Your Refusal to Play Their Games
You stop explaining yourself to deaf ears
You stop dimming your light for dim rooms
You stop shrinking to fit into ‘small’ spaces
Think about this:
When a high school student finally stops making excuses for why they “can’t” do French and starts showing up fully, that’s when breakthrough happens.
The same principle applies in leadership and business growth.
3/ Your Quiet Confidence
You know your worth without needing their validation
You walk your path without seeking their permission
You shine without apologizing for the brightness
This is “l’assurance” – quiet confidence.
Not arrogance. Not ego.
Just the unshakeable knowing that you belong exactly where you are, speaking exactly as you speak, leading exactly as you lead.
Action Plan: How to Protect Your Light
Stop asking people who don’t recognize your value to validate you.
Start surrounding yourself with those who celebrate your growth.
Remember: Your light doesn’t need approval. It needs expression.
Whether you’re building a business, scaling your leadership, or supporting your son or daughter through their French exams, the principle is the same.
Success doesn’t come from shrinking.
It comes from strategic expansion into who you’re meant to be.
Signs You’re Done Shrinking
✓ You say “no” without elaborate explanations
✓ You pursue dreams others call unrealistic
✓ You prioritize inner peace over external applause
Just like the student who finally raises their hand in French class despite imperfect pronunciation, you’re ready to raise your voice in spaces that matter. .. with your full accent, your full story, your full brilliance.
So Let Me Ask You This:
What will you stop shrinking to accommodate this month?
Will you finally post that thought leadership piece you’ve been sitting on?
Will you raise your rates to match your value?
Will you apply for that opportunity you think is “too big” for you?
Will you support your son or daughter in pursuing their language dreams, even when others say it’s “too hard”?
Whatever it is, know this: The world needs your full brilliance and full impact.
Linked & Lift Picks
Book: Radical Candor by Kim Scott - for communicating with courage
Podcast: We Can Do Hard Things with Glennon Doyle – Episode on reclaiming your voice
Quote: “Don’t shrink so others feel comfortable. Be full-size and let them grow.” – Unknown
Closing Thought
Your Soul Wasn’t Designed to Fit In
It was designed to lead. To inspire. To expand.
Not for ego. For impact.
In my 14+ years working with ambitious families, I’ve seen the same transformation happen again and again: When we stop trying to fit the mold and start expressing our authentic capability, whether in French or in leadership, everything changes.
The student who was “not a language person” earns an A* and goes to Dartmouth.
The founder who was playing small starts attracting premium clients and meaningful opportunities.
The leader who was dimming her light becomes the one others follow.
So, here’s your challenge this week:
👉 What’s the one thing you’re ready to stop shrinking for? And what’s one way you’ll stop playing small today?
👇 Hit reply and let me know. I read every response.
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Until next time,
Véronique Barrot
Founder, Linked And Lift
Coaching leaders to grow inside out.
Follow me on LinkedIn where I share self-leadership and growth insights Monday to Friday.
P.S. If you’re wondering what I do beyond writing newsletters: I support ambitious women leaders in two ways: through strategic personal branding for founders, and helping their teens go from “I’m not a language person” to earning A–A* in IGCSE, O Level & A-Level French exams. Both are about the same thing: rebuilding foundations that were never quite solid. If that’s relevant to your world, I’m here.