The Most Misunderstood Phase of Growth (and Why You Can’t Skip It)
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If you’re building something big, whether it’s a business, a brand, or a bold career move, there’s a moment most people hit:
“I’m doing all the right things... but it’s not working the way I thought it would.”
Sound familiar?
Maybe you’re a founder pushing through a growth plateau.
A leader navigating uncertain decisions.
A high-achiever stuck in a season where results don’t match the effort.
This week, let’s talk about the most overlooked (and misunderstood) part of growth: the messy middle.
It’s where things feel broken, but you’re actually on the edge of a breakthrough.
What’s Inside:
A true story that redefines failure as fuel
3 powerful mindset shifts that help you navigate uncomfortable change
The science of why discomfort ≠ danger
A strategy to build momentum fast
Tools, reads, and questions to help you take action, starting today
This Week’s Story: A Lesson From a Test (And a Cocoon)
Some time ago, a woman leader reached out to me.
Her daughter had just failed a French test at her high-achieving school. Another major exam was coming up in a few weeks, and panic was setting in.
This mom is a leader and manages crises daily. But watching her daughter struggle with something she couldn’t fix?
That hit differently.
“She’s smart,” she said. “She’s working hard. But nothing’s clicking. I don’t know how to help her.”
After 14 years of working with ambitious families, I’ve seen this story play out again and again:
👉 The ones who turn things around fast aren’t the most talented.
They’re the ones who learn what to do when hard work stops producing results.
And here’s the truth:
That pattern shows up everywhere.
In students facing make-or-break exams.
In leaders navigating pivots.
In founders building something from nothing.
In anyone trying to change when the stakes feel high.
That uncomfortable phase, where it feels like you’re going backwards, not forwards is not failure. That’s transformation.
Here’s how I help high achievers turn things around, and what to do when you’re stuck in the messy middle. These three mindset shifts make real transformation possible.
When Change Feels Like It’s Not Working… Try This:
1. Reframe what “success” looks like right now
Most people quit because they’re measuring the wrong thing.
The student thinks success means acing every practice test.
🟡 Actually, right now it means identifying exactly where the gaps are so you can fill them strategically.The leader thinks success means having all the answers.
🟡 Actually, it means asking better questions and admitting what you don’t know yet.The founder thinks success means instant traction.
🟡 Actually, it means showing up consistently when nobody’s watching… yet.
You’re not failling. You’re in the part of the process where the real work happens, where you’re building the foundation that everything else will stand on. It isn’t wasted time.
What to do:
Stop asking “Why isn’t this working yet?”
Start asking “What is this teaching me right now?”
2. Separate discomfort from danger
Your brain doesn’t always know the difference.
Both “this is scary” and “this is unsafe” can light up the same fear circuits.
They both trigger the same alarm.
But one is a warning. The other is just growth.
The student who’s anxious about the upcoming exam isn’t in danger. She’s uncomfortable because the stakes matter to her.
The leader who’s nervous about a difficult conversation isn’t in danger. She’s stepping outside her comfort zone.
The founder who feels exposed posting her ideas publicly isn’t in danger. She’s becoming visible.
When you try to eliminate all discomfort, you eliminate all growth.
The goal isn’t to feel comfortable. It’s to feel uncomfortable and keep moving anyway.
What to do:
When you feel resistance, ask yourself:
“Is this actually dangerous, or does it just feel unfamiliar?”
If it’s unfamiliar, that’s your signal to lean in, not pull back.
Trade control for curiosity.
Ask: “What happens if I stay in this long enough to see what’s on the other side?”
3. Shrink the gap between attempts
Here’s what actually builds momentum:
repetition in short intervals, not perfection in long ones.
Working with students for decades, I’ve seen that the ones who turn things around don’t wait until they feel confident to try again. They practice badly, get feedback, adjust, and practice again the next day.
Only action builds confidence.
You can’t think your way into feeling ready. You act your way into it.
The leader who has difficult conversations regularly gets better at them.
The one who avoids them for months stays stuck in the same patterns.The founder who posts three times a week even when it feels clunky?
She’ll sound completely different in six weeks.The one who posts once a month when inspiration strikes?
She’ll stay uncomfortable forever.
What to do:
Whatever you’re trying to transform, make the cycles shorter.
Say yes before you feel ready. Show up before you have it all figured out.
Act your way into the next version of yourself instead of waiting for permission to begin.
Start small. But start.
Action Plan:
What to Do When You’re in the Messy Middle
Here’s how to move through discomfort instead of getting stuck in it:
Redefine Progress → Track lessons, not just wins.
Label the Fear → Ask: “Is this unsafe or just unfamiliar?”
Shorten the Feedback Loop → Take action, reflect, repeat.
Small steps compound into big transformations.
Linked And Lift Picks
Book: The Dip by Seth Godin – how to know when to stick it out or pivot.
Podcast: The Mindset Mentor – episode on rewiring fear of change.
Quote:
“Transformation is often more about unlearning than learning.” – Richard Rohr
💡 Closing Thought
The daughter in this story?
She didn’t just study harder. She rewired her definition of success.
She needed to understand that her failed test wasn’t the end of the story.
It was the information she needed to rewrite it.
We focused on the gaps. We practiced daily, not weekly.
We reframed “I failed” into “Now I know exactly what to fix.”
A few weeks later, she walked into that major exam with a completely different mindset.
That mindset shift?
That’s what makes the next chapter possible.
Whether you’re navigating your child’s critical exam season,
leading a team through uncertainty,
building a business,
or pursuing something that scares you
the transformation doesn’t happen by skipping the uncomfortable part.
Change breaks routines. Staying stuck breaks you.
One feels scary. The other costs your future.
The caterpillar could resist the cocoon. But then it would never fly.
Neither will you, if fear keeps you grounded.
So… what uncomfortable cocoon are you in right now?
What’s one change you know you need to make right now?
What are you avoiding because it feels uncomfortable, even though you know it’s exactly what you need to do?
And what would shift if you stopped waiting for the perfect moment and just started?
Change is the bridge from who you are to who you’re meant to be.
Don’t wait for ready.
Start anyway.
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Until next time,
Veronique Barrot
Founder, Linked And Lift
Coaching leaders to grow inside out.
Follow me on LinkedIn where I share self-leadership and growth insights 6 days a week.